Who am I?

Of lately I have been asking myself persistently one elusive question
WHO AM I?
When I was in school, I was a mediocre student who hardly ever scored anything above 60%. I just loved to dance. I often thought that I would become a choreographer in the future, but my destiny brought me to chartered accountancy course.
There was no one to guide me that CA COURSE was not my ultimate calling; to be frank, I did not know what my inner calling was. I thought walking with the herd is a better decision rather than changing the direction. I wasn’t bold enough to ask tough questions to myself.
By the time I came to the final year of my Chartered accountancy course, i had realized one thing that i had made a fool of myself. I was sure that time that I am not moving in the right direction but could not step back. The first time in my life, I asked myself this serious question WHO AM I? The intensity of the matter was not much, I guess, that’s why I did not drop the CA course and finally passed the examination after giving three attempts.
When I got the job, I thought all the problems will be solved, but I was incredibly wrong. This time also I was not satiated with the work I was doing. I quit the job, and this time with some intensity, I asked myself, WHO AM I? I did not get the answer this time also.
I had joined my family business to find my place but could not relate to the industry as I did not know how to develop the skill my family business demanded. I had started reading books to find my purpose, whose fulfilment can bring salvation to me.

I had heard about the saint Ramana Maharshi who basically put out this question in front of the world WHO AM I? I thought after reading his book, I will be able to get the answer to my question, but my thirst did not get quenched even after reading his book.
In 2015 I had decided to write a book, so I had started working on it. I thought writing will bring me closer to my answer, it intensified my curiosity to seek and showed me the way to find it. I am still on that path of self enquiry. Each day I read and watch so many spiritual stuff, but the question still looming in my mind, WHO AM I?
After publishing my first book THE BOON… WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED, a spiritual fiction, I thought that I have found the answer for all the beings who are asking themselves every day this question WHO AM I?
But to be frank, I still could not find the answer to this elusive question. Sometimes, I really feel that I will die without getting an answer.
So from the 25th year of my life to the 32nd year of my life, this question remained unanswered. I am still seeking and striving every day to find the answer.
In this process of finding the answer, I have evolved spiritually. I have not reached my destiny, but the journey itself is giving me new experiences. I am trying meditation, reading different saints, and evolved beings who can help me reach my ultimate destiny. I wouldn’t regret it even if I didn’t get the answer as I have learned so much in the past seven years, which I never expected.
So, one must keep on asking questions to oneself and seek the answer as the process from which the seeker will go through is painful, but it will inevitably evolve him/her.
I think we should persistently ask ourselves this question, and one day we will come up with the perfect answer; till then, we should not lose hope and reluctantly ask ourselves, WHO AM I?

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Mayur Sarda

Check out my debut novel ,THE BOON... WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED. My blogging website https://azenmindset.com/